I am back!!! ... from 3 days of Leaders Retreat, which I gave all kinds of excuses not to go mainly because I just did not want to go alone without my beloved family but the boss compelled me to go because I was "one of the senior staff". Actually the retreat was good, the venue was gorgeous and I was annoyed with myself I had not thought of bringing my family there for our own family holiday earlier. The food spread was plentiful and delicious, the speaker was one of the best and God was there in our meetings. And yet my heart ached so, so terribly to the point of breaking. Almost everyone was there with their families, spouses, children except for the singles. I wondered more than once, how do singles do it? I felt so lonely and utterly alone in the midst of almost two hundred chattering, laughing noisy individuals. On the morning I left, we sent off Calvin to Berkeley and then Diane to Kelantan. Aun stayed behind in Penang and I left for Lumut, Perak. Oh I wished to be anywhere but going to Lumut. At least with one of them would have been salve to my broken heart. Plain rice and water with them would have tasted like ambrosia and nectar to my tired body.

But now I am home!! I am so happy for familiar sights and smells. I have walked into my children's empty rooms, seen to their belongings. Aun is home. I have a dusty, dirty, untidy house to clear up. I am so glad for small mercies. I look at my favorite sites on the comp and I am somewhat settled and the ache in my heart improves by a notch. When will I ever get past this?