I am back!!! ... from 3 days of Leaders Retreat, which I gave all kinds of excuses not to go mainly because I just did not want to go alone without my beloved family but the boss compelled me to go because I was "one of the senior staff". Actually the retreat was good, the venue was gorgeous and I was annoyed with myself I had not thought of bringing my family there for our own family holiday earlier. The food spread was plentiful and delicious, the speaker was one of the best and God was there in our meetings. And yet my heart ached so, so terribly to the point of breaking. Almost everyone was there with their families, spouses, children except for the singles. I wondered more than once, how do singles do it? I felt so lonely and utterly alone in the midst of almost two hundred chattering, laughing noisy individuals. On the morning I left, we sent off Calvin to Berkeley and then Diane to Kelantan. Aun stayed behind in Penang and I left for Lumut, Perak. Oh I wished to be anywhere but going to Lumut. At least with one of them would have been salve to my broken heart. Plain rice and water with them would have tasted like ambrosia and nectar to my tired body.

But now I am home!! I am so happy for familiar sights and smells. I have walked into my children's empty rooms, seen to their belongings. Aun is home. I have a dusty, dirty, untidy house to clear up. I am so glad for small mercies. I look at my favorite sites on the comp and I am somewhat settled and the ache in my heart improves by a notch. When will I ever get past this?

Diane's Graduation

In the middle of last week I panicked when I felt a lumpy kind of feeling when I swallowed. What if by some cruel twist of fate I had to miss Diane's graduation because I developed symptoms of the dreaded flu? So I religiously gargled with salt water to fend off the impending or imagined sore throat which thankfully did not materialize.

We left on Saturday morning. Reasonably early enough but not before making Diane more alarmed by the minute as I kept checking in case I missed out anything. Shoes - check, camera - check, etc. The journey felt at times slow because we wanted to be there before the office closed so that Diane could collect her robe, and at times fast because I kept reminiscing on the first journey we had taken to UTP when we sent her, first for her interview and the second for her first semester. FIVE years have passed, seemingly so quickly. In between we have experienced so much even though we were separated. As parents we had traveled this same route, to and fro, each semester for the past five years. We had sent her in with all her luggage, paraphernalia and all each semester, then moved them out again each semester's end and visits in between. Yet each trip had been a joy because seeing her more than made up for our efforts. I have grown fond of the route but this would be the last time I would be taking it as I went in with all of my family.

Everything proceeded smoothly on Saturday, collection of the robe, photo taking, dinner. Diane looked just so beautiful I felt bursting with pride. It was very nice meeting the parents of the students whom we had played host to some time or other during the past years though I wish I had more of the students at my table too but then one can not have everything. They had taken care of my girl and for that I am very grateful.

Sunday morning dawned quickly. At last. We all gave thanks and glory to God. Five years ago, we had convened as a family too to commit Diane to His care and He had been faithful and blessed us with this day. Thank you Lord, You are so good to us.

Diane, trying out her robe for size...

















(... to be continued)

Joy is enduring and happiness is fleeting but I do cherish and enjoy my moments of Happy. Today it was in the form of a simple scrabble game and the banter that came with it. That set is truly priceless. It has served our family for over ten years and probably good for at least a decade more. Oh how many jokes and mock insults we have made over its four corners and familiar tiles. It has seen my children grow from pre-teens to adults. A summer break will not be complete if the Teng family does not wage war over it, a war I win even though I may lose. But I predict this one won't be the last one yet. :)

Reading the blog post of a high achiever young woman I like to follow who wrote about how difficult her freshman year has been, I feel guilty about my high expectations of my own children from the start of college. I confess that these feelings arise only when we hear it from a third party, especially a third party we merit very clever but when my children tell me about how hard or difficult it is, I take it with a pinch of salt? Oh dear. But I know you work very hard and you make us proud. Take care and love you.

We didn't have the combined CG for Mother's Day this year. We have been doing it for may four or five years running and I guess the men ran out of steam. Our CG had our own pot bless dinner instead. I fried chicken! Aun helped me to season the meat before we left for work in the morning and I went home early to fry them. They were saying "Cindy fried the chicken" a tad too often that I wondered why, but trust me, the chicken was good.

After the dinner (which was really a feast because everyone brought so much food and we all had to sample each other's food for fear the cook might ask, "So did you like my ..... dish?" and we cannot answer satisfactorily) we adjourned for singing and games. The men were more enthusiastic than the children, as usual. They wanted to pray for us but I noticed the children or rather youths had disappeared by then, to their own gathering outside. You can always tell that our men love their wives in our CG by how more enthusiastic they are. Looking at them I wish someone would tell them gently, it's Mother's Day, not Wife's day, and the most meaningful gifts, prayers, cards or words come from our children, not you dearest husbands.

The newspapers carried stories of how some mothers have carried their love outside the walls of their own homes by running homes for disabled and abandoned children and raised their own families alongside their extended family. I truly feel selfish and nondescript when all my efforts and love have only been channeled towards my own tiny family, period. I need to do more.

We went to Tronoh to have a meal with Diane. Uncle David and Auntie Nancy bought my dream house at Meru Valley. Large. An enormous back garden. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the space. The free space was probably the size of my entire house. I was incredulous. How I wish. There is even a stream that runs behind the house, bubbling water over rocks and pebbles... fishes swimming in the water and an expanse of a golf course on the other side. Only one million ringgit. Which is really a steal compared to Penang prices. Sigh.

Diane on the private footpath behind their house. The stream runs beside the path.










Oh, I finally did my hair... my Mother's Day present for Aun. I look a million years younger methinks.

There is housework and there is housework that makes your heart sing. <3

I have 2 bedrooms to tidy up, increase space in a storeroom to miraculously accommodate Diane's accumulation of 5 years away, upholstery to clean, curtains to wash, weeds to pull, never ending laundry, a blouse to knit, bills to pay, etc, etc. How many hours can one stretch an off day? Then it's not even an off day. :(