What Matters

Yesterday, after dinner, I requested Aun to drive me to the Pasar Malam so that I could purchase some fruits for us. It was dry and cool, so the people of Tanjung Bungah were out in droves and there were cars parked along the main road even up to the bus stop near to the driving school. I hurried in and out, stopping to pick up a papaya and then walked more inside to get bananas as Aun did not want our usual oranges since he was feeling the effects of some gastric pains.

Retracing my steps along the packed corridor of the stalls, I noticed a young male figure seated on the ground with a container outstretched begging for money. I was taken aback at his countenance. He had a good looking intelligent face. He was young, as young as my children. He smiled at me and said, "Auntie, please help." My eyes quickly ran down his body, looking for a reason why. He seemed almost normal.. except that one of his arms was thin, very thin like a stick, just skin covering bone from shoulder to wrist. The other arm was a normal size but I could not tell how his legs were affected by his affliction. My thought as I hurried past, my hands were already full with my purchases, it is too difficult to get my money out from my purse in this crowd but my heart stopped my footsteps, my breath caught, he is so.. young.. like my children, and whatever I could give, it would make a difference to his collection for the night.

The world is so full of bad news every day. On Sunday morning, we all awoke to the headlines screaming the bus accident which had happened in the first hour of Christmas morning. A bus carrying over forty passengers had crashed into the road barrier because its driver had momentarily fallen asleep at the wheel. Those few seconds of slumber caused ten passengers their lives because the road barrier sliced into the bus dismembering, killing them on the spot. It pained me utterly that the lives of the people and the hopes of people resting on those people were all snuffed out in a moment of needless irresponsible, could have been preventable, carelessness. That morning as I rejoiced, there were people in unimaginable agony. Till today our nation is still reeling from the impact of the horrific accident.

Today's bad news overshadow yesterday's horror. Over a fortnight ago, journalists discovered two foreign beggers at a Pasar Malam, acid burned beyond recognition. Even their gender were not fathomable. One had no hands and so could not feed himself/herself and would have to depend on his "master" for his basic need. Both had no hair and... no legs. We would think that such victims only existed in the horror stories of parents who wanted to subdue their children to obedience but there they were, their photographs screaming back at us, a graphic description of the cruelty of humans who would use other humans at whatever cost to enrich themselves.

As I remember these and more which I shall not give the privilege of publication, I can only come up with one comfort to myself. We need to treasure each day as we are blessed, because in just a moment, a moment could change everything we hold dear. Whatever material comforts I have or I lack, what truly matters are the people I love and everyday, I crave God's grace for them in all circumstances.

Christmas!

So last night we went to the airport to pick up Diane. I stood at the arrival lounge once more eagerly scanning the faces of the passengers as they walked in the distance towards us and the door though this time I looked for a female figure instead of a male. I felt mixed feelings of joy and sadness, joy at expecting to see Diane again and sadness whenever I spot a young traveller - judging by the size of the luggage so you know he has come from afar and not just K.L. I watch as he quickens his step as he spots his mother in the crowd, his face breaking into a wide happy smile and his arms quickly wrap around her.

This morning we were all united by Skype and to my great delight, my package had arrived. I always feel so thankful as though a small miracle has happened each time my parcel arrives safely as if I do not trust the postal system. We were all overjoyed that at least our one away was warmed by the tokens of our love, squealing as he opened and tried each gift.

Princess and the Frog was very good and refreshing and the songs so lovely. Diane and I had two hours of escapism. I like cartoons, but only the ones with great music. ^^

Gift Exchange

Although I do not show it, I dislike gift exchanges very much. No, hate is a better word. I personally think gift exchanges are devised by Christians who, when caught up in the season of giving feel obliged to to do so but then devise a way to guarantee that they do not end up without a gift in return. I am so convinced that is the case. But what is the point? Giving a gift should come from the heart without expecting one in return. Of course it will be nice if our gesture is reciprocated but the whole point of giving the gift is to appreciate the person, to show that he/she truly means something to you and the gift is a personal token of the value of that person to you, without any expectation of anything in return. All of which, I emphasize, gift exchanges dismally fail to achieve. They mean absolutely nothing because whatever you draw, big or small, valuable or not, was never given with you in mind.

Maybe, I concede, give everyone a feel good feeling, see we all got a gift in return, so everyone goes back happy.

So it was totally without any feeling at all that I brought my night-before-wrapped gift to the staff Christmas lunch today for the gift exchange we were told would take place. The organizer called for attention and explained that she would start it off by drawing from the bag of name tags to call out a name and that person would come up to pick a gift from all of our collected gifts and in turn pull out another name from the bag to pick the next gift. And so it went on, amidst much laughing and teasing about choosing the better looking ones from the whole lot. No, do not go for that big package. Too big cannot be very good either. Or too small... may be just a key chain. Not that large one that is obviously a cheap photo frame.

Nothing is more of a turn off to me than a gift exchange. Call me an idealist whatever.

Then it took a twist that made my day.

The organizer said after everyone had chosen their gifts, "Don't open them yet. It is not completed yet. We have all chosen our gifts and we have chosen the best that we think are from the batch for ourselves. Now we are going to have one more draw and whoever the name we draw, we are going to give the gifts we have picked for ourselves to him/her." And there was a collective groan from all of us.

Best gift exchange ever I went to. :)

I miss my children so much. Yes, I am in the woes of my empty nest syndrome again. At least thank God I live in the age of the internet, and all the chat services are my best friends. Even when I do not contact them, my heart lightens up at the sight of any one with an online or even away message. (Today was so funny... Diane and I were using our webcams for video gmail chat and typing in our responses instead of talking. After a while I realised I could hear her typing and it was only then that we realised we could talk instead of type!) Virtual presence is still better than no presence. So much for our age. What would our forefathers have said?

I know I am blessed beyond measure when my children say they are excited about coming home. I am humbled and amazed that I, an absolutely ordinary woman can instill deep love that can overcome whatever negative thing about me when admittedly most times I find it difficult to get along with others. Indeed parenthood has great rewards that a paid job can never ever give you.

I miss my Calvin's return so deeply this Christmas - my heart would have been singing this time previous years - and yet I was stupid enough to tell Diane to spend the holidays in K.L. Thankfully she had better sense than me and insisted on her way to book her ticket home in advance. Just one day after her departure and I miss her so much already it physically hurts. It would have been better if at least one was back home to lessen it. So in my utter lonesome sad state, I have been making calls across the oceans almost daily in pathetic attempts to patch the missing part of my heart.

For the umpteenth time in my life I regret why I did not have the faith to have a larger family. Diane and Aun are in K.L. tonight. Calvin although in my heart, is far, far away. It is during times like this that I only realise I look forward to seeing Aun at the end of the day. Seriously. He is always so stable and dependable, I admit I take it for granted that I will see him always and it is hard to imagine anything else. I am so preoccupied with missing Diane and Calvin and it seldom hits me that I miss or will miss him because Aun is always here, solidly dependable and devoted to me. This evening as I left work, my heart shrank at the prospect of returning to an empty house, even for a day and I was glad I had preempted it by calling up MK for an evening walk.

In other news, I am very very excited at visiting California and have been stressing out everyone, including the travel agent.

It is a great advantage when your mother is creative with flowers especially when you get married. Today at Jonathan's wedding, the flower arrangements were spell binding.They had bouquets of large red and yellow roses and tiger lilies sitting on pseudo mini grecian pillars lining the aisle. It was a such a beautiful event. Jonathan had been beaming from ear to ear since I saw him yesterday coming into the church for his pre-wedding preparations. I made him check his marriage certificate just to make sure that we will not have any nasty surprises. Today I could see Judy his mother praising God and rejoicing in the front row with her hands upstretched and I imagined her joy spread out on her face as I gazed on the view of her back from my seat.

Later I mentioned to Mavis that perhaps I should take up quilting so that I can learn in time to make one unforgettable quilt each as my children's wedding gift. Diane reminded me, mummy, none of your children are getting married yet. I smiled at her and at myself. Isn't it stupid how impatient we are to change the status quo and then look back and long for the 'good ol days'? This morning, I had talked with Calvin and we said our silly things that only family can understand. Diane pampers me all the time accompanying me everywhere. So why on earth do I want to hurry an event that will make me have to share them with one other woman or one other man, that I cannot fathom my own masochism? I should learn to be more selfish and enjoy the day as it is and tomorrow will come soon enough though the thought of being even more selfish than I already, already am is just too bad of me for entertaining the very thought.

Thank YOU

Today for the first time we are beginning to get our lives back.

Exactly twenty-one days ago, in the midst of making mooncakes, Diane announced that she was dizzy. We waited for two more days by when it did not improved, we saw the doctor and from then on it has been anxious ride of coping with dizziness and blurring vision. Of hospital stays, daily injections, MRIs, eye checks... Of feeling so alone despite the many people who have been keeping us in prayer. Of breaking down in tears and being embarrased. Of learning to walk very, very slowly beside my daughter. Of being humbled and asking for more prayers. Of being scared. Of being angry. Of receiving His peace.

We walked at the Botanical Gardens this morning. Half a round before she got dizzy again. For the first time ever in her life, we walked slower than her dad. But we finished the round. Tonight I put in two hours working on my garden and she was there throughout, on her own steam. (I believe I have passed on my appreciation for beautiful plants to my two children.) At last we are seeing light at the end of the tunnel we are presently in. Thank you God for answering our prayers.

I am set to camp here for the day.  We have been here for so many days Diane is now a pro at operating her bed - move it up or down, tilt it or not.  We try to make it as comfortable as we can for her, short walks in the corridor or garden, computer for the day so she may surf or chat with her friends.  

Times have changed since when I took care of Mother years back.  I see so many families who now leave their maids to stay over and take care of their parent while they come in after work to visit and leave instructions.  It is undeniable that money buys ease and advantage.

I am a horrible worry wart.  I should not complain, looking at the sufferings of the Indonesian earthquake survivors.  What we go through is not a fraction compared to them.  Young children, young people, it will be a constant uphill struggle for them all their lives.  We may not be wealthy or have privileges as citizens of a first world country but in comparison, we are living princely lives with regard to our neighbors.  I count my blessings, the majority of them I did not work for or deserved.

I walked into Diane's room and discovered that she had gained a new room mate in the afternoon I was away. There were a few visitors at the new patient's bed. I gathered from their conversation that she had been coughing "very badly" and "non-stop at night". I asked Diane if she knew what her room mate was warded for and she said, "She is coughing up blood."

Only in Malaysia can this happen. Even I, a non-medical staff, can realise that coughing up blood may signify some bad news to come and that it may be contagious. How then can they place a person with a potentially contagious illness with another with a weak immune system?? I walked over to the nurses station and asked, "What are you doing????????" and the staff nurse actually tried to worm her way around by saying, "Don't worry, she hasn't got H1N1 and we checked her, she hasn't got TB." Oh yes? What tests have you made? "We have," trailing off with "they haven't return yet." Irresponsible, that is what. Unadulterated pure stupidity is what. How can you?????

We got our change of room half an hour after I arrived.

It was not even the new patient's fault but she was subject to the offence of our quick evacuation of the room though we tried to be as discreet as possible.

But what if it had been other people far more pleasant than I and her cough is TB after all?

It was my turn to worship lead at last night's cell group meeting. So I was busy choosing my songs on Thursday evening. Together with Diane, we went through some of the songs on a list I brought back from church. Maybe it was due to the persistent cough I have been having for the past six weeks, my voice sounded weak, thin, squeaky, grainy, raspy and I had mucus in my throat and had to keep clearing it at almost every alternate line I sang. I hate my voice. I know, I know.. a voice is far better than no voice at all but if only, how I wish I have a richer sounding voice. I could not sing the songs I chose. I could not get the tunes right. I was off key. I could not reach the notes. I just sounded awful. Why do they have to roster me for worship leading when I cannot sing???

So yesterday arrived. I was not really enthusiastic about practicing so far. I reached home, went through my song list one more round and did my chores in the time before we left for cg. I was sooo tempted to keep quiet when Bernard almost wanted to go into Word, so I could be easily let off. I reluctantly asked, "Worship?" Bernard, who had not reminded me as he usually did when my turn was up, eagerly responded, "You prepared? Let's have Worship!" Then the amazing thing happened. For every song I started off, I hit the right note and got everyone singing and worshiping in tune. When we stopped to pray and resumed worship, I started off the the exact right note. My voice came out richly loud and melodious and I could reach all the high notes! I felt quite amazed and awed. It was an incredible feeling comparing the difference. John kept on going on a faster tempo for one song but I was able to bring him back. It was amazing how God's grace worked. Today I asked Diane if she had noticed and she said the same things. Just amazing and incredible that my practice sessions at home had differed so widely from the actual worship session. It was indeed God's grace that carried me through.

My voice is thin and straggly again.

I fell this evening.

Coming back from the Ramadhan bazaar where Diane and I had spent a pleasant half hour looking at the food stuffs offered by the vendors (we bought some buah rambai and pisang awak), I decided that I wanted to mop the floor. It is so nice to get into active mode especially after a day when you feel like you have not really done anything useful. More reason so because Aun had been busy in the kitchen and he always leaves the floor a sticky mess.

I was one mop round away from being completed when I slipped on the step at the back door as I hurried to my bucket of water. I felt my foot lose it's grip on the floor and I lost physical contact with the ground. In that second as my body slanted backwards, it felt as though time slowed down while I struggled to regain my footing and my balance. Time really slowed down because I had time to think, oh no I'm falling again and I felt my foot slip off the ground and my body suspend in mid air. My hands instinctively flailed to grab something, anything but to no avail. I landed with a thump, on the fleshy part of my rump. In that instant, my mind went, Praise God, Praise God it is not my spine! In the next split second my elbow hit the floor and the top right side of my head hit the door. As I lied on the floor mentally assessing the damage, Diane appeared. She had heard the bumps I made falling, above the sound of her hair dryer in my room. I recovered after a few minutes, washed my mop, instructed Diane to dry that culprit of a wet floor on the step and continued with my last round.

I am back!!! ... from 3 days of Leaders Retreat, which I gave all kinds of excuses not to go mainly because I just did not want to go alone without my beloved family but the boss compelled me to go because I was "one of the senior staff". Actually the retreat was good, the venue was gorgeous and I was annoyed with myself I had not thought of bringing my family there for our own family holiday earlier. The food spread was plentiful and delicious, the speaker was one of the best and God was there in our meetings. And yet my heart ached so, so terribly to the point of breaking. Almost everyone was there with their families, spouses, children except for the singles. I wondered more than once, how do singles do it? I felt so lonely and utterly alone in the midst of almost two hundred chattering, laughing noisy individuals. On the morning I left, we sent off Calvin to Berkeley and then Diane to Kelantan. Aun stayed behind in Penang and I left for Lumut, Perak. Oh I wished to be anywhere but going to Lumut. At least with one of them would have been salve to my broken heart. Plain rice and water with them would have tasted like ambrosia and nectar to my tired body.

But now I am home!! I am so happy for familiar sights and smells. I have walked into my children's empty rooms, seen to their belongings. Aun is home. I have a dusty, dirty, untidy house to clear up. I am so glad for small mercies. I look at my favorite sites on the comp and I am somewhat settled and the ache in my heart improves by a notch. When will I ever get past this?

Diane's Graduation

In the middle of last week I panicked when I felt a lumpy kind of feeling when I swallowed. What if by some cruel twist of fate I had to miss Diane's graduation because I developed symptoms of the dreaded flu? So I religiously gargled with salt water to fend off the impending or imagined sore throat which thankfully did not materialize.

We left on Saturday morning. Reasonably early enough but not before making Diane more alarmed by the minute as I kept checking in case I missed out anything. Shoes - check, camera - check, etc. The journey felt at times slow because we wanted to be there before the office closed so that Diane could collect her robe, and at times fast because I kept reminiscing on the first journey we had taken to UTP when we sent her, first for her interview and the second for her first semester. FIVE years have passed, seemingly so quickly. In between we have experienced so much even though we were separated. As parents we had traveled this same route, to and fro, each semester for the past five years. We had sent her in with all her luggage, paraphernalia and all each semester, then moved them out again each semester's end and visits in between. Yet each trip had been a joy because seeing her more than made up for our efforts. I have grown fond of the route but this would be the last time I would be taking it as I went in with all of my family.

Everything proceeded smoothly on Saturday, collection of the robe, photo taking, dinner. Diane looked just so beautiful I felt bursting with pride. It was very nice meeting the parents of the students whom we had played host to some time or other during the past years though I wish I had more of the students at my table too but then one can not have everything. They had taken care of my girl and for that I am very grateful.

Sunday morning dawned quickly. At last. We all gave thanks and glory to God. Five years ago, we had convened as a family too to commit Diane to His care and He had been faithful and blessed us with this day. Thank you Lord, You are so good to us.

Diane, trying out her robe for size...

















(... to be continued)

Joy is enduring and happiness is fleeting but I do cherish and enjoy my moments of Happy. Today it was in the form of a simple scrabble game and the banter that came with it. That set is truly priceless. It has served our family for over ten years and probably good for at least a decade more. Oh how many jokes and mock insults we have made over its four corners and familiar tiles. It has seen my children grow from pre-teens to adults. A summer break will not be complete if the Teng family does not wage war over it, a war I win even though I may lose. But I predict this one won't be the last one yet. :)

Reading the blog post of a high achiever young woman I like to follow who wrote about how difficult her freshman year has been, I feel guilty about my high expectations of my own children from the start of college. I confess that these feelings arise only when we hear it from a third party, especially a third party we merit very clever but when my children tell me about how hard or difficult it is, I take it with a pinch of salt? Oh dear. But I know you work very hard and you make us proud. Take care and love you.

We didn't have the combined CG for Mother's Day this year. We have been doing it for may four or five years running and I guess the men ran out of steam. Our CG had our own pot bless dinner instead. I fried chicken! Aun helped me to season the meat before we left for work in the morning and I went home early to fry them. They were saying "Cindy fried the chicken" a tad too often that I wondered why, but trust me, the chicken was good.

After the dinner (which was really a feast because everyone brought so much food and we all had to sample each other's food for fear the cook might ask, "So did you like my ..... dish?" and we cannot answer satisfactorily) we adjourned for singing and games. The men were more enthusiastic than the children, as usual. They wanted to pray for us but I noticed the children or rather youths had disappeared by then, to their own gathering outside. You can always tell that our men love their wives in our CG by how more enthusiastic they are. Looking at them I wish someone would tell them gently, it's Mother's Day, not Wife's day, and the most meaningful gifts, prayers, cards or words come from our children, not you dearest husbands.

The newspapers carried stories of how some mothers have carried their love outside the walls of their own homes by running homes for disabled and abandoned children and raised their own families alongside their extended family. I truly feel selfish and nondescript when all my efforts and love have only been channeled towards my own tiny family, period. I need to do more.

We went to Tronoh to have a meal with Diane. Uncle David and Auntie Nancy bought my dream house at Meru Valley. Large. An enormous back garden. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the space. The free space was probably the size of my entire house. I was incredulous. How I wish. There is even a stream that runs behind the house, bubbling water over rocks and pebbles... fishes swimming in the water and an expanse of a golf course on the other side. Only one million ringgit. Which is really a steal compared to Penang prices. Sigh.

Diane on the private footpath behind their house. The stream runs beside the path.










Oh, I finally did my hair... my Mother's Day present for Aun. I look a million years younger methinks.

There is housework and there is housework that makes your heart sing. <3

I have 2 bedrooms to tidy up, increase space in a storeroom to miraculously accommodate Diane's accumulation of 5 years away, upholstery to clean, curtains to wash, weeds to pull, never ending laundry, a blouse to knit, bills to pay, etc, etc. How many hours can one stretch an off day? Then it's not even an off day. :(

After the pastoral staff meeting today which dragged into lunch time, I went to the pantry to make myself a cup of Milo to go with my biscuits because I was too lazy to get out to buy lunch. Pr. Suat was there. "So how did the conference go? How was the hotel?" I asked.

Apparently the hotel was horrible. "Did you know how it was when you booked it????"

"Of course not," I replied without batting an eyelid, "I can't really tell. Their promo on the net looks great and I booked according to our specs." And by way of cheap and good, we just had to take our chances with Geylang... so with sending a team of twelve who stayed a week there, I guess we saved a bit.

At least a couple of the men received propositions from the women who hung around the lobby and streets. Such a pity that we had not anticipated it and given a stack of our evangelistic brochures to our team so they could give out to the prostitutes and pimps. You can never underestimate how the word of God will work when it is received by a hungry soul. It was a bit funny our conversation veered off and focused on the lost opportunity instead.

"So how was the conference and did you learn anything new?" I persisted.

They had gone to Singapore to attend the cell church conference run by a church with membership of 5,000 people.

"No, nothing much. Actually I would say I learnt nothing new. All the things that were taught were just refreshers of what I already know, just repackaged."

One thing we discussed struck me. What is cell church about? It is about having a pastoral heart. It is about caring. You don't need to go to a conference to learn about caring because caring comes from the heart. God has already given it to us. Mothers and Fathers have a pastoral heart. In fact you don't even need to be a Christian to know about it. When you have a pastoral heart, you automatically care about a person. You want to know about the little inconsequential things. You want to know what they did, what they ate. You want to provide for your child a roof over his head, provide training for him to be independent, protection, clothing, the best college, you want to know how much it costs, how good it is for your beloved. Similarly when you are a pastor or a church leader and you have a pastoral heart over the people you lead, you are just as concerned over them as your children in little things. How are you today? How is that problem that we prayed for? How is your child? How is your job? We are interested in the little things in their lives. We expend our energy on them. We love them.

When you have a pastoral heart towards your people, there is really little these conferences can teach you because you are doing them already. But of course they do serve a great purpose because there are too many pastors and leaders who do not have a pastoral heart and so following all the steps and methods maaaay lead or teach them to develop a pastoral heart eventually. We had a good laugh over this, over many people's expense if I may add. Oh, the wickedness.

Sometimes we spend so much time and energy doing so many great and efficient and impressive programs and we forget to understand that impression of a church is vastly different from the temperature of a church. You can ascertain almost immediately the former when you step into either a small or a mega church but you cannot really know the temperature of a church until you stay with it at least a few months, get into the culture and know its people. Ultimately, people will be able to discern what they prefer and keep coming when we are warm and loving. We can package the new ever so nicely but it is the old values that are more enduring and appealing in the long run.

Now I know there are women who knit in lectures and there are women who knit waiting for traffic lights to change. I am neither. I am tempted to write about my shenanigan but then better not.

What do you do when the computers in your office are infected with viruses? Obviously running a scan on one computer at a time is not good enough since we are all networked and we are going to re-infect each other again. So today, we all had to go through a concerted virus-cleansing process which is by no means simple when you have to take into account twenty staff of whom half are pastoral who are in and out of the office all day and you have to get them all together, and two other floors of computers besides the main office, not to mention the kindergarten computers and staff. We had to plan the time to begin, all of us to do the virus busting at the same time. Internet cables off so that we are totally isolated. All thumbdrives to be formatted and external drives scanned. Remember to update the virus buster before you start! We tried to look on the lighter side especially when the scanning was in process and we could not use our computers, suffering varying degrees of computer/internet withdrawal symptoms, so we moved around checking on each other how much longer we had to wait until the scanners finished deleting the screens of viruses that were scrolling up the computer screens. What a horrible sentence that was, but that's how I felt. Ugh.

Will we be virus free after this? Gabe said, almost like he needed the assurance more than us, "Hopefully... I think so... should be....ought to...."

Interestingly, I probably sent a virus blessing each time to the visiting speakers who brought in their thumbdrives to upload their presentation files. Sigh. On the otherhand, when I peeped at SP's computer, his screen was extremely alive (!!!) with all the trojan horses that were being deleted so maybe he was a bigger culprit than I was. When I left the office, the others were still cleaning up. Some could not start because they had urgent work to complete so they are supposed to be in quarantine, no internet for them until they get cleaned up.

The look on Diane's face when we surprised her with our presence at her Euphonious Band Competition was priceless! I have to admit I lied when I called her on our way and said Aun was driving me 'home'.

So what do I think about the event? For us, it was very refreshing, sitting in an awesome hall with over two thousand enthusiastic students who greeted the contestants with loud cheers and screams. Before it began, whenever the video cam showed one of the female technicians on the screen albeit tudung clad, it inevitably resulted in wolf whistles and laughter in anticipation of the events to come. Another thing is, when you have an attachment to the person or event you are there for, you are able to make generous adjustments for flaws. So we really enjoyed ourselves tremendously and it was a wonderful night to remember.

Diane's band was the fourth group to play. They were the five finalists who had been chosen out of twenty bands at the preliminary round. I told myself I was there to enjoy and share the moment with her when I saw how the other bands were supported with their hundreds of supporters who cheered loudly for their teams and hung their banners on the balconies of the hall. The judges' decision would account for 70% and audience vote 30% and 30% is a lot.

So here's the video of Crash and Burn's second song which swept the hall away. The audience loved the vocalist who had bugs bunny teeth and made such funny faces that nobody minded his pronunciation or was it the sound system? They made such a wonderful concerted effort that the judge who commented was overwhelmed and said the team worked very well together, and the violinist was FANTASTIC! Well done, all praises to God, you really deserved to win! So here's the arrangement of Mamma Mia that blew us all away...

Of late I have lost faith in the power of the pen to move hearts and minds but today brought a welcome and wonderful respite.

In the last quarter of 2008, we had requested the PB to shift our water meter to outside our garden wall so as to make it easier for the meter to be read. They sent a man to assess the situation but he could not give me an estimate. I approved the job to be done, since the meter belonged to them anyway and surely we could trust them to give us a reasonable price seeing they are the official water works department. But nooo... when the bill came, I held my breath at the whopping RM623. How can you justify RM623 to shift a meter a distance of less than one meter, just by connecting a rubber tubing through a drain under my wall? Bear in mind I was quoted half the amount by a private plumber whom I had rejected because stupidly, I wanted to be legit.

So what did I do? I wrote a letter of appeal of course, complete with photographs of the job.

Of the bill, they wrote, "You signed the consent form to the job" ... so you should pay.

I replied, "That may be so, but your man could not give me a quote and I expected you to be fair."

"As a vendor, it is not justifiable for you to charge us, the consumer, for transport when the meter is part of your billing mechanism."

They charged me RM159 for Miscellaneous, but I have learned in Accounting that Miscellaneous should be only be for the smallest, difficult-to-categorise amounts.

I wrote, "Kindly provide us with a breakdown for Miscellaneous and Materials Used."

I think they were a bit uncomfortable because the following week, they sent people to take stock of every screw that was on my meter outside and then supplied us with a list of the screws, rubber tubing and sealing tapes used. Miscellaneous was for "supervision."

I wrote, "You charged us supervision RM159 on top of your labour costs of RM114?..... and transport of RM120 for 12 kilometers?"

Shame on you. (Not written.)

They replied, "Yes it is so." Your bill is still so much, kindly pay up.

What if they cut off my water supply? So I replied, Ok, I am paying in protest and I am forwarding my complaint to the Consumers Association.

They replied later, Thank you for your payment. We have made the proper investigations and everything was proper.

Sigh. Sigh. And sigh.

That was in January.

Today I received a letter, copied from the Chief Minister's Department, that they have considered my appeal and have reduced my bill to RM326.75. Halved!! Even a leetle less than the plumber's quotation. O_O Praise God! Wah Lau Leh!! Thing is I already paid the original bill. Maybe now they should give us free water for the next three years. It is quite incredible. My dead faith feels the stirrings of resurrection.

It is a totally unexpected encouragement that has come opportunely at the start of a week which has started off as so strained. It is not so much the money but the principle that you cannot simply overcharge and expect to be paid. I am a little re-believing that sincere and earnest (not necessarily good) writing is able to move the tide in any direction provided you are willing to be open and sincere to share your thoughts and reasoning and that not everything is absolute and written in stone.

I just watched the ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A FIFTH GRADER show. It was hilarious ... Aun and I laughed so much. They got a girl, nickname - Katie Kat, 18 years, a hs valedictorian to take part. We liked it that she was so very pretty and vivacious. Then of course they also had all these very cute and talkative fifth graders to take the tests with Katie. Katie was good, she won one by one of the questions.

What is the river that forms the border between Kentucky and Indiana?
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Ans. Ohio River (I don't know US geography leh.)


What is the most common element in the universe?
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Ans. Hydrogen (I thought it was carbon. Lol)

What is the universal blood group recipient?
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Ans. AB (I was split between O and AB, buut I would have chosen AB)


The Egytian spinx has a human head and the body of which animal?
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Ans. Lion (I thought it would be more exotic than lion but I could not think of any that is, so yes, I would have guessed lion too, heh).

There was a second grade English question which asked them to pick out compound words. Too easy. Cafeteria is not a compound word.


She won all the way to USD 300,000 and then the final question... (fifth grade) which would make her winnings half a million.

In the 14th and 15th century, England had a 100 year conflict with which country?
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Ans. France (She said, "I don't think it was France because France is not good at wars, so would not have lasted 100 years. I think it's Spain.)

Aww.

So according to the rules, she had to say before national TV, "Although I may be a high school valedictorian, I am NOT smarter than a fifth grader." haha

But she still went home with USD25,000. I think her dad didn't mind. He was grinning from ear to ear at her contribution to college fees already.

Tomorrow they are getting a Mensa member "genius IQ" the announcer announced. He looked much much older than Katie Kat. They are having fun making fun of the adults. Just too funny for words.

The lady who commissioned the knitting of the awful colored cardigan walked in yesterday as I was knitting in the shop. I had thought her interesting when I heard about her a few weeks ago. Apparently she had paid quite an astronomical sum for them to knit her cardigan for her. She commissions her cardigans to wear to sleep because her husband sets the aircon too cold. Make them pay hmm?

Anyway, it was about the second or third time it seems that she is making alterations to her cardigan and she was there to check on its progress. I became more interested when I realised she was sharing Christ with the knitter. I looked up and took in her appearance. I thought she looked nicer than when I first saw her. She began sharing her testimony of how she had very bad leg pains which many doctors could not cure. One day while she was out walking at the Botanical Gardens, a stranger approached her and invited her to a church healing service. She returned home, quite unsure but she was desperate enough to try, so she went with her daughter. She was prayed for during the service and received complete healing by the next day. I kept quiet but I felt that she shared her testimony very well, sincerely and simple and in earnest. After a while she left and that was when my interesting observation began. So this is what non-Christians think of us after we leave after we share.

The woman sitting next to me, with whom before the other lady arrived, had started befriending me (only because her regular friends were not there yet) and she now spoke her mind. I felt like I was peeking from the outside in on a very interesting perspective because I had kept quiet the first round. The testimony which had I had thought touching had not touched her or the others it seemed because they were very unhappy about her unreasonable fastidiousness on her commissioned cardigan and had made them do all the unpicking work multiple times. I tried to defend her and explained that we cannot judge God on the behavior of Christians who are just human but I don't think it was very well absorbed by my listener. What we do and what we say impact others more than we think and endure in more ways than what we say, even though we can say what we say very well indeed.

But overall I was quite delighted that I made a new friend. There are usually lots of stories going around at the shop and this one was soo talkative!! So much so that I had terrible concentration on my new piece because my friend gets excited and talks loudly, so I kept the teacher busy reworking on my mistakes. Earlier on I had checked out the other shop which has so much better prices. My goodness, they have such great stuff, all kinds of books and cross stitch designs, little flowers and appliques, teddy bear eyes (!!!), woollen yarn, cotton yarn... I fell in love with the teacher who promised me she would teach me to read those Korean/Japanese knitting graphs and do seamless sweaters when I ditch my present teacher. Haha.

This is the orchid I bought on Valentine's Day, still blooming 45 days on!










And this is what greets Aun and I when we reach home. The hibiscus is just sooo beautiful. I wonder how come all the blooms are red when it was budgrafted as a multi-colored bush.

I finally completed Diane's cardigan today. I couldn't help looking at her multiple times in church tonight ..dunno which I was admiring more... my masterpiece or it's wearer :)

So I managed to get over the learning curve for knitting, I am now enjoying it so much. I think my tension for my stitches has improved by a lot this round... learned that while some stitches should be firm, others like casting on and off should be nicely loose. I had quite forgotten how I used to love all kinds of handwork and it is incredible how I spent those years waiting for Diane and Calvin to finish classes and never made use of the waiting to do some handwork. They were lean years though but to think of all the knitting I could have done.... Today, I discovered a shop that sells good yarn for two thirds of the price I'm paying and the best thing is they have someone in the shop to help you along. Diane found a pattern book for felt toys and pounced on it to buy. So we have been very happy tonight, me finishing my knitting hw and Diane, well.. she's been quite tearing her hair out because her teddy bear was threatening to look like a mouse.

I also found my crocheted dress which I did when I was about Diane's age and made her model it for me. Diane's response was "Eeeee it is sooo old fashionnnned!" Hmm, so much for heirlooms.

I spent the major part of today entering the data of a marriage survey of pastors. I have not begun the analysis part of it yet but going through the forms, one of the most common challenges faced in their marriages is Communication. Which is not very surprising to me, or maybe a part of me is saying in a small voice "I told you so". My pet peeve with people I work with is that they do not communicate enough. I have to admit that I am also guilty but I do work hard with people I like and even harder with people I love. So many times, I send out emails and people cannot even be bothered to reply. When they don't reply, and I have to follow up with multiple phone calls to obtain their response to my email, I want to say, "!@#$%^&** you read my email, why didn't you just reply yes or no, you *()%^&*???" Alas, in my dreams. But truly I get very frustrated because these are the people who deal with people and if you cannot make the time in the most basic of ways, then why be where you are and do what you do???!!!

What I mean is communication takes effort. Sometimes the tiniest bit of effort makes or breaks someone's day. But the lack of it, compound it by days, weeks and years will break your marriage or relationship or ministry. My utmost regret is when I lost someone I loved very much but then I did not even realise how much I loved him until I lost him and I wish so that I had talked and invested more and made it known to him I loved him back as much as he loved me. Aun's mom is of old school and when I was a young mother she advised, "..must be firm with children, we love in our heart enough otherwise they will climb on your head and shit" but I have always.... talked *a lot* ever since. I shall probably be worse with my grandchildren.

Knitting is very addictive. We had laughed our heads off when Calvin told us about a girl in one of his classes who knits during lectures. "She can ask the professor relevant questions too!" he defended at the look of our incredulous faces.

The dynamics at the knitting shop I go to is very interesting. There's usually a group of ladies knitting there when I arrive. Our ages are very varied, from teens to grandmothers, all drawn together because of our love of making something beautiful with our own hands. Today we laughed that we are also very covetous because we are always drooling at each other's pieces and wanting to do them too. There is an occasional male who comes I am told but I have yet to meet them. The ladies seem to have a lot to talk about, from children to bosses from hell but a lot of the talk is about Chinese serials which they are really into and they seem to know the characters so well it is as though they are talking about real people whose lives they are very informed about and involved in. I told Aun that it is almost like mahjong only that it is knitting instead because going from what I remember about my parents' mahjong sessions, a lot of banter goes on at the table too and that perhaps is the major attraction of the game. I hope to make more firm friends there so that I can invite them to my cell events in future but it is quite difficult to get out of my goal oriented ways and learning to talk more. At least today, I managed to laugh along with them even though I was mentally pushing myself, faster, faster, in my head.

Psalm 131:

My heart is not proud, O LORD
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forever more

I felt so connected to God this afternoon in that psalm which greeted my eyes as I flipped open my bible to my favorite book of Psalms. It is true nothing I do is going to affect the world too much or that I am so clever and full of achievements that I can concern myself with great and wonderful things. I am just a mother who is doing what millions and millions of mothers before me have ever done, loving and caring for their families. I sat there alone reading and re-reading softly aloud, and feeling the sound of my own words touch my heart and connect with God. I am still pondering on why its author used the illustration of a weaned child and its mother though. I try to remember how it was when they were weaned but I still cannot understand why, a weaned child and its mother.

I had been thinking about what I could do for Ruby after Rachel in bold American fashion sent the staff an email saying that Ruby her friend from Vietnam would be learning from us for about two weeks and requesting for us to welcome and extend our hospitality to her. So on an impulse I offered to take them to Batu Ferringhi to take some pictures at which Ruby was really, really delighted. Unfortunately Rachel could not join us today because of a meeting fixed for the evening, so Chai Bee, Ruby and I set off for the beaches immediately at 5 pm. The dark gloomy skies failed to deter us. Anyway, she did not have any more free days since Wilson had booked her for tomorrow (just the two of them we later found out!!), Friday is cell group night and then the weekend services... which brings her fortnight with us to an end. So fast.

I drove them into the Rasa Sayang Hotel. Chai Bee was a little in awe, "Can we go in?" in hushed tone. I was fine since I firmly believe in the power of the potential customer and I coolly led them in, greeted back nonchalantly at the staff who held the doors open for us and ushered us into the gardens at my request. Heh. So here are our pictures.

Ruby is really sweet, just twenty years old and she wants to serve God full time. Her name is actually Rubilie Tran and she has a very nice singsong accent very different from Malaysian. I didn't know Vietnamese speak English so nicely. She kept saying how beautiful Penang is, how she enjoys being able to open her windows and breathe in the clean air. Sometimes it is refreshing to see the beauty of our own surroundings from someone else' eyes. We wrapped up the evening by going for oyster noodles at Fettes Park, recommended by Chai Bee. I winced a little at the fat squishy oysters as I bit and swallowed them and tried not to think too much about how smooth they felt and tasted like. Chai Bee and I also busied ourselves separating the fried pork lard pieces from our noodles until Ruby surprised us by exclaiming that we were discarding the best part of the noodles and claimed our shares for herself! hahaha

I have been more or less moping the whole day. There's about a hundred and one other things I could and should have been doing but instead I have scouring the internet for causes of migraine. I'm feeling all kinds of grumpy today - found out that one of my balls of wool is a different shade from the rest. Two balls actually but one has already been knitted in. The perfectionist in me is screaming to tear it out. Seven inches of stitches. I battled with myself the whole night and finally persuaded me to stay with it. Then could I have purposely made a mistake that I cannot undo (??) so now I'm stuck with loops of undone knits that I shall consult the guru tomorrow and if she has extra wool, then I really shall take that offending ball out nevermind if it costs me three days of work.

I was so immensely happy this morning when the moment Calvin appeared on screen and he said, "Hmm mummy, I received your package already." After waiting to hear such news for the past two weeks since I mailed it, it was quite ironic how by the time I really should be expecting for it to arrive, I momentarily forgot about it. So here he is wearing my vest, every stitch handknitted by me! Hahaha I am just over the moon that it fits and a little bit in awe (ok hit me) that it flew over the oceans and reached my son in America from the time I grappled with packaging it together with the curry condiments I sent together with it, sealing it with a prayer that the lethal combinations in the package would not mix with each other and it would arrive safely. I kept making him stand up, turn around, take a picture for me! all of which he willingly indulged me.

Thank you God for not despising the trivial requests of a mother. :D

This is a picture of my beloved family, taken at Calvin's departure for Berkeley, third year, first semester.